Friday, June 9, 2017


MAY 27th, 2014.
This is so important for me to talk about and yet hard. Though those who are weak of heart please just delete, as this may be upsetting. For as you write of a child’s birth into this world, that same child must be written the day that she oe he left this earth.

I know where Joyce is and that she is waiting for me. In a dream, just after she past she told me that she will be coming for me one day but I have reason to be here right now and it is not my time! My reason could be as simple as a smile but sadly it is not not slaying Dragons as I am more of a Don Quixote knight for my King of Kings JESUS CHRIST. Hence by His Command; a smile it is…

We were both in sort of DENIAL OF THE END TIME TO COME, yet we both knew the end was coming. As the O2 to her brain was getting less and less and maybe she did see her Grandmother that one day before I brought her home from the Hospital FOR THE LAST TIME.
Great Grandmother Henwood likes you Richard; Joyce said and I felt good about this as I am finally loved within the family, eh?

As for the passing Joyce wanted it within her and my control only, as when her previous husband took his own and Joyce was in such shock. Other family members took over and she lost control etc. she was always irritated about this.

So, with her at times and I alone visited funeral homes for pricing and compassion comparisons.
We choose a place out of town.
Joyce sent me on a task to find out what her final funeral costs would be, so we could transfer money.

Which I believe now, it was so she could be alone with herself, sensing that her end was near and that she would not want anyone to be with her, other than herself when she passed. After the appointment, as I drove home I had a very strange feeling come over me

I looked at the clock, it was 2:15 pm and I felt something which is hard to describe but I'll try. It was as if I was being electrocuted or vibrated for lack of a better word. It was the most intense tingly peaceful warmth/safe that I have ever felt. It started in my spine in my shoulder area and spread to the rest of my body in waves, down to my feet, up to my head and out through my hands. This went on for a couple of minutes and at one point I could not feel myself driving home and then a voice said; ”NO NEED TO HURRY RICHARD”.
I questioned myself; "Is this what hand of GOD feels like?” I was fearful but not to the point of trying to stop it. I just relaxed, slowed down and drove the posted highway speed back to our home...

Joyce was to come with me and check things out but that morning she had lots of issues; such as knocking off her O2 mask off and spilling her pill tray, every which way and she told me to go to the funeral home as she would be fine but was tired and wanted to stay at home. The person that we had over from AECS to give her a shower at 11am came, as we needed help for my weak left arm I could not lift her but I did change the bedding and got her breakfast and a coffee ready as I did every morning for last 22 years for Joyce.
After all I was only to be gone 1hr and 1/2 what could possibly go wrong? “Kiss Noise I Love You” to each other we said and kissed each other.

When I got home the dogs were not right at the back door waiting for my return, as Lily did not even run to meet me at the back door but stayed on the couch looking well, different. I FELT ODD TOO and ran upstairs or really hobbled up. I found our other dog Lucy sitting beside Joyce, Lucyjust kept looking at me then back to Joyce then back to me?

Joyce sometimes as her idea of a joke, would play dead on me to see my frantic reaction. Though pretending to be upset, as after a few decades, the frantic wore off and I never really ever got mad at her, as I did go along with it just to make her laugh.
This time though, as I tried to get her to stop this act, her reaction was all wrong?? Joyce had one eye open and one eye shut. Her blanket I had covered her because she was cold was sort of tossed but then she over heated lots and for Joyce this was nothing new.

I shook her and knew soon she would stop the act just as she had in the past, NO this is not happening and she was not cool to the touch!
WAKE UP JOYCE.!!!! I CALLED 911; started to do compression's but she had said to the hospital folks to not to do this to her as she did not want her ribs broken? I did compression's anyway!
Not good on bed as I needed to get her on the floor but my Cancer ruined left arm has no strength and I will hurt her if she comes off the bed and hits her head!!!!

The guy at 911 was driving me crazy with questions and I am crying or cry-howling really. Lucy dog leaves the room. I throw the phone across the room still compressing. She feels not right her O2 has been running and her tummy was distended, dear GOD what is going on??

Oh GOD, OH GOD, OH GOD!!!! The Doorbell rings; do I answer and go down stairs or not??? Compression's will then stop. Not good, not good. Fuck U people I thought as I put both dogs in my office area and shut the door. So, I hobble down the stairs and open the door, just then EMT, FIRE, POLICE ALL AT ONCE CAME IN; I said, she’s upstairs! Like a herd of Buffalo, we all moved back upstairs. They are with Joyce I break down even more as they had gotten her on the floor for better compression's.

My GOD THEY CUT HER BLOUSE OFF! Defibrillator is charging I cannot stand, I cannot watch THIS!; “CLEAR!”. OH GOD, OH GOD, if only I stayed home, if only I did better compression's, if only....
I retreated into the hallway bathroom and sit on the floor near the toilet as I thought I was going to be sick and I am still cry-howling!
Then the two Cops come into the bathroom WHY???
CLEAR; 2nd Defibrillation. More Compression's, come on do it again I thought! JUST ONE MORE TIME, LIKE ON TV, IT WILL WORK!! Clear; 3rd Defibrillation then what seemed the Longest Sound of Silence. Mr. Abbenbroek? yessss.., I sobbed and sputtered out.
by Sir Richard Abbenbroek…
Photo by: Sir Richard
Sir Richard The Bayo-Hunter

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