JOYCE AND SOUNDS OF
SILENCE
This is so important for me to talk about. Though those who are weak
of heart please just delete as I know where Joyce is and she is waiting for me.
Actually she is coming for me one day but I have reason to be here right now and
it is not my time! My reason could be as simple as a smile but not slaying
Dragons as I am more of a Don Quixote knight for my King of Kings JESUS CHRIST.
Hence by His Command; a smile it is…
And Folks - Thank U.
We were both in sort of denial but BIG TIME, yet we both knew the end
was coming. As the O2 to her brain was getting less and less and maybe she did
see her Grandmother that one day before I brought her home from the
Hospital.
Great Great Grandmother Henwood liked me Joyce said and I felt good about this as
I am so loved within the family, eh?
As for the passing Joyce wanted it within her and my control only, as
when her previous husband killed himself she was in such shock. Other family
members took over and she lost control etc.
So with her at times and I alone we visited funeral homes for pricing
and compassion comparisons. We choose a place out of town. The day of the final
paper work for this service to be done, Joyce was to come and check things out
but that morning she had lots of issues and she told me to go as she would be
fine but was tired and wanted to stay at home.
After all I was only to be gone 1hr and 1/2 what could possibly go
wrong? “Kiss Noise I Love You” to each other, there done and I was rushing back,
actually speeding back which I do not do!
That was a cloudy day, when the sun suddenly came out and fell on my
legs in the car. I felt really warm comfy and calm when a voice in my head
within or without my head said: “It's OK Richard slow down as U need not speed
now as everything is OK!”
When I got home the dogs were not right as Lily
did not run to meet me but stayed on the couch looking well, different. I FELT
ODD TOO and ran upstairs hobbled up actually. I found our other dog Lucy sitting
beside Joyce. LUCY Looking at me then back to Joyce.
Joyce sometimes as her
idea of a sick joke, that she would play dead on me sometimes to see my frantic
reaction. Though pretending to be upset, I never really got mad as I did go
along with it to make her laugh.
This time though, as I tried to get her to
stop the this act, her reaction was all wrong with one eye was open and one eye
shut. Her blanket I had covered her in earlier was sort of tossed but then she
over heated and for Joyce this was nothing new.
I shook her and knew would stop the act just as she had in the past,
NO this is not happening! WAKE UP JOYCE.!!!! I CALLED 911; started to do
compressions but she had said to the hospital folks to not to do this to her as
she did not want her ribs broken? I did compressions any way!
Not good on
bed need to get her on the floor but my Cancer left arm has no strength and I
will hurt her if she comes off the bed.
The guy at 911 was driving me crazy with questions and I am crying or
cry howling really. Lucy dog leaves the room. I throw the phone across the room
still compressing. She feels not right her O2 has been running and her tummy was
distended.
Oh GOD, OH GOD, OH GOD!!!! The Doorbell rings; do I answer and go
down stairs??? Compressions will then stop. Not good, not good. Funk U people I
thought as I put both dogs in my office area. Run down stairs hobble down stairs
and open the door, just then EMT, FIRE, POLICE ALL AT ONCE she’s upstairs! Like
a herd of Buffalo we all moved back upstairs. They are with Joyce I break down
even more as they had gotten her on the floor for better compressions.
My
GOD THEY CUT HER BLOUSE OFF! defibrillator is charging I cannot stand, I cannot
watch this if only I stayed home if only I did better compressions if only....
I retreated into the hallway bathroom and sit on the floor near the toilet
as I thought I was going to be sick and I am still cry-howling!
Then the two
Cops come into the bathroom WHY???
Clear 1st Defibrillation. More
Compressions, come on do it again I thought! Clear 2nd Defibrillation, Clear 3rd
Defibrillation then what seemed the Longest Sound of Silence. Mr. Abbenbroek?
yessss I sobbed and sputtered out.
Your
Wife Is Dead.
Joyce Oh How I FAILED YOU, I FAILED U, OH JOYCE HOW I FAILED
U...
P.S. To those who wonder when will he stop? It still will take time
and as one wave laps up onto my shore. A peace between happens until the next
wave. As my ocean will become calm one day and all waves will happen no
more...
Photo by: Sir Richard
Songs:
The Beatles - I Want You (She's So Heavy)
Disturbed - The Sound Of Silence
The Beatles - Within You Without You, Tomorrow Never Knows
