THE HARDEST - POST FUNERALPeople during a funeral are like birds before the gathering of winter. They fly all around you and at the same time they fill the air with multitudes of deafening, yet comforting singing sounds. Some appealing, some not, then suddenly something calls them all away. The comfort of them being near you, is now all but gone. You feel alone and at the same time abandoned. Like the fields in winter that they flew over which now, have become silent, frozen and very, very cold, as you find yourself in your empty home.
With GOD, He is there but in your prayers that you made on your bended bleeding knees seem un-heeded but still with Him, you’re never alone, though you feel at times so. The person that you loved who has just passed, you look for everywhere, through many a look like person in varying stages of their life and reels of memories of them are playing like TV commercials, 24/7 in your mind. Some good, some bad but you know that they are now in heaven somewhere, as you look desperately for them; the coffee waits in cups of conversation filled for just one.
The silence is almost to the point of aching within your being and though needed, really no amount of hugs or holding and gentle strokes of care will bring your loved one back or make this ache of your heart and mind go away!
Not now at least, though being held does help you adjust, by stopping your drifting alone by yourself, on the new ice flow of your heart through a sea of despair and further into an ocean of the unknown.
So for me, this is the hardest part of Post Funeral. The hardest part because you distinctively know, time will help you learn to deal with this and through your faith one day, GOD will also call you home…but not now, not now, not yet, not now.
Thinking, breathing and dreaming of Joyce…
P.S. WITH THE LOSS OF ONE'S SOUL MATE, IN NO WAY TIME HEALS, AS I CAN NEVER FORGET. FOR AT LEAST ONCE DAY I THINK OF MY SOUL MATE!