“IN YOUR ANGER DO NOT SIN”
“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry and do n...ot give Satan a foothold. (Ephesians 4:26-27).
I believe that anger by itself is not a sin, as it is one of the most common emotions associated with the 7 Stages of Grief:
1. SHOCK and; DENIAL:
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the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks as it did when I found Joyce and through her Life Celebration.
2. PAIN & GUILT:
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As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.
You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase because I was on unknown territory and did not have Joyce to bounce my thoughts off of for the first time in 28 years.
3. ANGER and; BARGAINING:
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Frustration gives way to anger which is where I seem to be right now and you may lash out! On anyone and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else which I did to certain Doctors. I advise that you try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.
You may rail against GOD, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with GOD for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink, swear again, etc. or please let me give part of my body if You GOD, would just bring her/him back, please I am begging You LORD!").
4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS:
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Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from some others may not be helpful to you during this stage of grieving. Like the person who suggested that I start dating again?
During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair as it is hard to leave my home for any reason other than food or medical.
5. THE UPWARD TURN:
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As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, they say that your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly. As I pray to Father GOD, the Son JESUS CHRIST and the HOLY SPIRIT every day for this.
6. RECONSTRUCTION and; WORKING THROUGH:
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As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.
7. ACCEPTANCE and; HOPE:
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During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled “YOU” that existed before this tragedy but you will find a way forward for me with GOD’s help.
You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes but the wrenching pain will be mostly gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living. For one day you will know though the loss is forever while you’re on earth but you will know that you have made it through the 7 Stages Of Grief.
"As I have gone through that shock and denial period for about the last six months," after the passing of Joyce. "Then suddenly, as my shock and denial wore off and the reality of Joyce’s passing set in and then came the “ANGER”. For I mean “INTENSE ANGER” is what I feel now! For now I just want to wail, to scream from the depths of my soul. There's no way I can express as much anger that I am feeling."
They say one need’s to release their anger in a way that is productive for healing and not harmful to others around me. To release my anger does not mean to lash out, to throw a fit, or to lose control of it; releasing your anger involves the open and honest expression of your emotions in a way that is physically, mentally, and emotionally freaking so now I Vent out “BY WRITING” at the injustices of my life. I express my anger to GOD in prayer and I don't hold back!
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They say I could release my anger in the presence of a person who will listen quietly and neither judge nor offer advice. This I do with a select few people whom I trust, as I am not good with discussing (me) in group sessions. Another healthy way to release my anger as I said above is to write down every angry thought that comes to mind until I cannot think of another angry sentence to write! As I do a lot of writing as I have much to write as you all know.
The fact is I read, that you should "not let the sun go down on your anger" does mean for me, that you should deal with it when it is present. Don't go to sleep and try to forget it, for you will only have it come back in greater strength later. Like any married couple who bicker before they sleep, you should never go to sleep angry. Joyce and I used to say no matter how pissed we were with each other, “Kiss Noise, Good Night, I Love You!” and this took years of the maturing of our relationship to accomplish.
So I pray; that GOD, grant me the freedom and opportunity to release my anger in a way that helps, not hurts. AMEN.
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I am trying so hard to get back in control of my life but my life cannot be controlled by me alone and anger with frustration often comes out as a result. I am not GOD, I cannot fix everyone, everything; sorry friends and family. As I am spent, burnt out really and I only have my FAITH IN GOD or people who are close and health workers to prop me up.
For when I hear about others problems, something in me says, Oh, No. No, No, that's not my life. For once, I have to be selfish and help only a few but not much more. I must concentrate on my life these days and one day I will hear the Doctor say; that I'm again healthy. Life is now remembering my wife say “I LOVE YOU” as opposed to “Mr. Abbenbroek your wife has passed” as was said both to me on May 27th 2014.
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So I pray yet again; LORD, I get so angry when I feel out of control. I just want to get a grip on things again. Teach me that by giving me Your strength for my life, so I will be empowered to help others once again sometime. As I will also someday, be able to walk in the sun with You Oh LORD GOD. AMEN.
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P.S. Lord I'm much too young to feel this dam old.
by Sir Richard...
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