ABANDONED, MY BIGGEST FEAR!
WITH NOTHING AND NO ONE AROUND,
I AM BUT ALONE...
People during a funeral of one that you love are like birds before the gathering of winter.
They fly all around you and at the same time they fill the air with multitudes of deafening, yet comforting singing sounds. Some appealing, some not, then suddenly something calls them all away.
The comfort of them being near you, is now all but gone. You feel alone and at the same time abandoned. Like the fields in winter that they flew over which now, have become silent, frozen and very, very cold, as you find yourself in your empty home alone.
With GOD, He is there but in your prayers that you made on your bent knees, with prayers that seem UN-heeded but still with Him, in Faith you’re never alone, though you feel at times so!
The person that you loved who has just passed, you look for everywhere, through many a look like this person in varying stages of their life and reels of memories of them are playing like TV commercials, 24/7 in your mind. Some good, some bad but you know that they are now in heaven somewhere, as you look desperately for them; the coffee waits in cups of conversation filled now for but just one.
The silence is almost to the point of aching within your being and though needed, really no number of hugs nice but to occasional or the holding and gentle strokes of care with another will bring your loved one back or make this ache of your heart and mind go away! NOT.
Not now at least, though being held does help you adjust, by stopping your drifting alone by yourself, on the new ice flow of your heart through a sea of despair and further into an ocean of the unknown.
So, for me, this is the hardest part of My Wife's Post Funeral. The hardest part is because you distinctively know, time will help you learn to deal with this and through your faith one day, GOD will also call you home…but not now, not now, not now. WITH NOTHING AND NO ONE AROUND, I AM BUT ALONE...
Richard Abbenbroek… (aka Sir Richard)
Thinking, breathing and dreaming of my Joyce…
I WILL NOW PRAY;
Dear FATHER GOD,
Help me to feel Your presence.
My heart aches and I feel so abandoned and alone.
I miss a human touch, someone to take my hand or give me a hug.
I long for someone to tell me everything will be alright.
Please send your Comforter to me and take this loneliness away.
Help me instead of feeling empty, to feel full of the Love You have for me.
Help me to know in my heart and remember that according to Your Word;
I am never alone, because You are with me.
Your Love and Peace is within me, right now, in this moment.
That I feel it and I am not alone.
In the Name of GOD, THE FATHER, JESUS CHRIST THE SON
AND THE HOLY SPIRIT, I pray…