Saturday, July 13, 2019

MY own journey through the grief of my wife Joyce death cannot be compared to another person's journey. I will grieve like anyone does but in my own way and in my own time.
Grief does not have a set time limit; the only certainty, is that it will take longer than you would want it to. After all, it has only been five years since Joyce has gone to heaven but at times it seems like a minute ago.
“Then a I ran upstairs looked at Joyce with Lucy Dog sitting beside her, as Joyce’s eyes told me that she was dead…
She just lay there so silent, so still, in our king-sized bed.
I now saw what the Lupus had finally done and for me at that moment, there is worse than being dead.
So I called 911, I did CPR and all the while I was crying, crying crying!”

"For grief is a process that cannot be rushed," a Pastor once told me, who has dealt with hundreds of people who have gone through this loss. He said; that what he could tell me is that it is an extremely hard mental and physical process and an even longer process than any of us would ever want to believe!”
"He continued to say; Going through grief is like going through a tunnel. The bad news is the tunnel is dark, long and feels lonely. The good news is that once you enter into that tunnel, you are already started on your way out."
“These days I really feel, no I am like an old man, all tired, stiff, bent and sore.
A weary old man, who lost his wife and wondered why did she have to die, really what for?
As this question comes up, though many do not comprehend why; "That at times I feel so tired of living, I would and do say that I had enough now, please LORD just show me the road home door, but I cannot.

Yet for me, gone is my best friend, my confidaunt, no better interaction had have I, with any one person ever, during my life and yet I ask GOD THE FATHER why am I now so alone for?
For I believe that He does answers back;
“Yes saith FATHER GOD, your journey is your own Richard but remember that I am here and that you are really never alone!
So do not be afraid to cry out to Me, even thus.”

“How long must I wrestle with my thoughts.
As I go through day after day with this PAIN of sorrow in my heart?
How long will the enemy hurt me with his arrows at me?".
How long, my LORD, how long?
For this tunnel is so dark and so long, FATHER GOD;
I beseech thee; “LORD GOD ALMIGHTY, show me Your LIGHT!”

“So with my poor health, I continue to go on like that TV battery bunny, to the doctor's and hospitals, past the crippled, wounded and maimed.
As they, like me travel down halls, to their assigned treatment areas.
I travel with them on the same elevators, the arm less, the legless, the blind, cancerous, the just plain sick and or insane.
Those poor, poor, people, they just like my wife and I, all hoping to get help for what ails?
For we are “All Just Survivors” from this broken world from which we all hale.
Written and Photos by Sir Richard.
Songs by; Aa-Ha - Crying In The Rain, Long Time Laying Down on Jerry Potts LP by Richard Harrow.

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