Monday, January 2, 2017

MY MENTAL ILLNESS?

 MY MENTAL ILLNESS?

Some of you may know that since 2009 I've gone from heart disease, to diabetes, to sarcoma cancer, to a sleep deprived whole world of crippling pain, to watching my Love, my Best Friend my Wife pass away, to 1/4 of my liver failing due to non-alcoholic cirrhosis, our Family fall apart, my Mom and Dad become ill, to loss of friends good and toxic, to the death of our Lucy Dog, to the return of cancer but now in my throat. Not so recently I went from thoughts of what's the point & suicide but as I am dying faster than most, then I thought to heck with suicide but I now I live to die just like you and you and you but now faster than even you!
So now I have slipped into depression just after a few major life transitions. I hope I don't sound too ungrateful, because my situation may sound absolutely like an over reactive country ballad. Yet I realize that people have far, far worse problems in their lives. But I still feel depressed!!

I had it all, a friend lover wife, a sort of IT career, a family that was a self-writing soap opera. Joyce and I volunteered at our church at IN FROM THE COLD. My other activities were assisting 408 missing children families, helping a little bit in South Africa and Hurricane Katrina recovery and helping out at my Step Son and my eldest Granddaughter Royal Canadian Air Cadet Squadrons 781 and 538.

I really do enjoy - photography, the outdoors and travel. I am fortunate that, having been in an sort of interesting job minus the bullies! Also with Joyce and we had simple needs, our kids and we both had enough money to retire one day. My dream to work on my photography, collect bayonets and we would both lead the "good life." Bliss!
Then it all went totally FUBAR in 2004 when my wife's father died.
I won't put you all through the litany of horrors that I mentioned above or any of our other family challenges but slowly yet quickly I became utterly depressed. As I struggle to face my physical and mentally painful life, every day. I am desperately lonely as I have Lily Dog and my roommate JESUS and I've thought of and do have help but in truth I can't replace my Wife Joyce and as I get sicker and sicker, also as I am too poor to travel like my once bucket list that I dreamt of as it is, now NADA!

For me, it feels like my old life has ended and I am doomed to spending maybe the next twenty years in this new life that I hate! Still Satan has a way for me to go away from it all.
I really don't know what to do, how to get out of routine of loneliness pain and Doctors. Every week feels like one more nail in the coffin. I'm just getting more and more down. Haven't done any photography either, as I am too scared to go outside as the sound of ambulances and really any hospital visits completely freak me!

I feel so disconnected and I don't know who I am anymore, or what I am doing here. I practically had an anxiety attack when I recently had to answer the "Marital Status" question on a form. Each day, I struggle to get out of bed every morning as the body pain and night terrors plus diabetes only let me asleep 3 to 4 hours a night, if that. When I hobble down to the main floor to visit the day and let Lily Dog out. I will waste half the day forgetting what I am to do or become late due to my procrastinating or falling back to sleep. You see this is me and with mental illness as some think with mental illness, or is he's just faking it, as they are arm chair know it all’s as they think? Why can’t the non-alcoholic Cirrhosis/heart diseased/cancer ridden diabetic/sleep deprived in a whole world of crippling pain wimp to do, can he not just get over it??

No way, my Toxic wonders that you have any idea of much. As each person has his or her own limit, which as my roommate tells me. Only GOD knows your breaking point from mental illness is!
Written by Sir Richard
Photos by Sir Richard
Songs by:
Heart - Crazy On You
Alice Cooper - Welcome To My Nightmare
Alice Cooper - Second Coming/Ballad of Dwight Fry/Sun Arise.

Thursday, December 29, 2016

BAILEY JAMES

BAILEY JAMES
Here's my cover of Little Big Town's "Better Man". 
I just LOVE this song!
https://youtu.be/iBu_gFNdMiA
Better Man - Little Big Town - Intimate cover by 13-Year-old Bailey James
Bailey James 13 Year Old Nashville Recording Artist.
https://www.baileyjamescountry.com/

Monday, December 26, 2016

THE SHEPHERD

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER!
THE SHEPHERD A CANADIAN CHRISTMAS CLASSIC
HERE IS ALAN MAITLAND READING OF “THE SHEPHERD”.
Christmas comes but once a year and with it, for thirty-two years now in most celebrated holiday reading. Every Christmas Eve, since it first aired in 1979, we've been delighted to bring you Alan Maitland's reading of “The Shepherd”, by Frederick Forsyth.
The year is 1957 an RAF pilot is flying home from Germany for Christmas.
Fog sets in, and all radio communication is lost.
HAPPY CHRISTMAS!
From Sir Richard…

Sunday, December 18, 2016

DOCTOR OBVIOUS AND MY PERSONAL HELL

DOCTOR OBVIOUS AND MY PERSONAL HELL
Everyone goes through hell at one point in their lives but usually not everyone stays there. Good people go through terrible things but they say that wise people know when and how to let it go. We all know that wisdom does not come easy; it often comes from a painful experience. Many of us are very unwise in how we handle our pain. Like an animal that struggles in a steel trap, we worsen our wounds the way we struggle, deny and fight against what simply, is. When we refuse to learn the wisdom of acceptance, we become our own tormentors.
Doctors can be very hurtful at times and though they mean well, they are human and say painful things. I was at my cardiologist the other day. Thanks to my amazing GP Doc, who got me in 1 week instead of usual wait time of 5 months? This cardiologist that day, does his thing and then (as he is thinner since my last visit), says to me; “well you are FAT!” Now my first human instinct is to tell him off and lash out with a Klingon Bat'leth and cut him crotch up into two; I turn the other cheek and successfully said; “I know”.
What I did not say is, I eat my prescribed diet for a Diabetic even though my body is rejecting the insulin that I take. Speaking of taking medications (see photo below) that you folks give me do cause weight gain. Another thought is that you might look into my age as you Sir are younger than I and because of my Diabetic Neuropathy of my feet and knees that are arthritic. Along with the reason that I am here, my out of breath and heart angina makes walking any distance almost impossible. Maybe this along with my Non Alcoholic Cirrhosis of my Liver that has ¼ of it gone and you all know this because, I sweet talked an ultrasound tech to check there because I have such pain. So off to the Liver Specialist I went, for having a TV camera that they shoved down my throat which confirmed that I do have this disease. In people with severe liver scarring (cirrhosis) like me, the normal flow of blood through the liver may become impaired. Blood from the intestines may then be re-routed around the liver through small vessels primarily in the stomach and esophagus. Some of these blood vessels may become quite large and swollen; they are known as varices. Due to high pressure (portal hypertension) and thinning of the walls of these varices, they may rupture causing bleeding and if you do not go to the hospital: Très vite vous saignerez à mort. Dead Man Not Walking!
The Heart Doctor, acted like I was wasting his time and reminded me as I thought about it, that during our last encounter because of his I am god like attitude that I was going to ask for a new Cardiologist. He did do one thing at the very end that was kindly, he said; that he was very sorry that my Cancer Round 2 is back. Grateful for some bedside manner, I thanked Doctor Obvious.
The lesson here is that when we refuse to let go, we suffer.  Yet we cannot let go of something until it has taught us what we need to learn. Letting go is a process of recognition, confrontation, acceptance, and healing. Letting go simply means not suffering any more than absolutely necessary, but just enough to expand and strengthen ourselves. Some suffering is needed to deepen our compassion for others, to grow, and to learn. Letting go means you have learned enough, and now you now also have compassion for yourself.
Oh, I believe with all my heart that I shall go to heaven and see JESUS along with my late wife Joyce. For those who do not want to hear this, well to bad. Because, you either dwell in the pain and terror or you let go and have a reality check with something that you can look forward to. As I said above that going home is in the positive.
We spend so much time on life and only refer to death as some far away event well it’s not. JESUS CHRIST taught me that to fear death, is what keeps you alive. For once you face death then you need not fear as I said; everyone goes through hell at one point in their lives but usually not everyone stays there. Amen?
Written & Photos by,
Sir Richard…
 
 
 
 

Saturday, December 10, 2016

CHRISTMAS PAST - PRESENT - FUTURE

CHRISTMAS PAST - PRESENT - FUTURE 
https://youtu.be/sFzMPUSPSXc
ONCE UPON A TIME I WAS A CHRISTMAS FREAK! WHAT SCROOGE BECAME AFTER HIS NIGHTS VISITATION.
A REAL XMAS FREAK AND NATURALLY FROM BIRTH! (SEE BELOW, THIS IS ME @ YEAR TWO.)
NOW, MY CELEBRATORY WIND HAS LEFT MY SAILS AS I HAVE BECOME NAKED AND LIFELESS, FOR I AM BEACHED UPON THE SHORE.

https://youtu.be/DPHh3nMMu-I
THOUGH I AM THANKFUL FOR JESUS CHRIST!
THE HOLLY JOLLY HAPPY HO HO RESIDES WITHIN ME NO MORE. 
https://youtu.be/UfHQ8CMZHMA
MAY THE LORD BLESS YOU!
MERRY CHRISTMAS - WITH LOVE
FROM SIR RICHARD...

Friday, December 2, 2016

“HAPPY CHRISTMAS!”

“HAPPY CHRISTMAS!”
FOR AT EACH END OF THE RIFLE, WE'RE THE SAME!!!!


In 1995, I started collecting these mostly German WW1 photos, others of mine and some on/off the internet. So to share them and for educational purposes I made these 3 slide shows of these rare photos; AT EACH END OF THE RIFLE, WE'RE THE SAME #1 #2 #3. To show that we are all, really part of the “Same Human Race” at the any end, of any rifle.
I hope that you find these interesting:

https://picasaweb.google.com/112346348017623289226/ATEACHENDOFTHERIFLEWERETHESAME102?authkey=Gv1sRgCInon9eP38_-aw#slideshow/6086972106606547346

https://picasaweb.google.com/112346348017623289226/ATEACHENDOFTHERIFLEWERETHESAME203?authkey=Gv1sRgCNOI3eDr5LuWkwE#slideshow/6087066419582152834

https://picasaweb.google.com/112346348017623289226/ATEACHENDOFTHERIFLEWERETHESAME3?authkey=Gv1sRgCK7ao9uxisD9zQE#slideshow/6087186355403910034

“Oh my name is Francis Tolliver, from Liverpool I dwell
Each Christmas comes since World War I have learned its lesson well.
For the one who calls the shots won't be among the dead and lame.
And on each end of the rifle we're the same”

John McDermott-Christmas in the Trenches:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gx2cAUo7i4

Merry Christmas!
Happy Christmas!
Buon Natale!
Fröhliche Weihnachten!
Joyeux Noël!
С Рождеством!

Sainsbury's OFFICIAL Christmas 2014:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWF2JBb1bvM

Oh what a lovely war! Christmas Truce:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHObCL2luMw

War really is a vast open air factory where the hours are long, unions are not permitted, safety conditions that are routinely flouted and people’s lives wasted for at times neither Good or Bad! No more people have died on this planet then they would have died, if they were not killed in a War. Only future potential of all these individuals were lost!

World War One in my opinion started in 1914 but with brief pauses here and there, The European War ended after the fall of the Berlin Wall 1989. Then in 1990 – 1991 we started our Middle Eastern Wars proper, for after all the Middle East problem started at the end of the Ottoman Empire on the 1st November 1922.
1914 - World War I Starts https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zYBBZUV1Y1Y

Green Fields of France: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xa1nG4ezPQ0
Passchendaele - After the war: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=De8NimBUBww
And The Band Played Waltzing Matilda: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_RsKhOk7NxI

Good Luck Everyone - Blackadder – BBC
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDQ1ljlnSjU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vH3-Gt7mgyM


Sarah McLachlan - Happy Xmas (War is Over)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gWqbv6NdqXs
HAPPY CHRISTMAS!
from Sir Richard Abbenbroek

Friday, November 25, 2016

STRESS FREE TEENS?

STRESS FREE TEENS?
Thanks you all of U who make me feel so much better. 😆 
Oh a South African couple that are my friends shared their newest child's photos with me. So I wrote the following;
Father GOD I believe You made baby's cute so we would not throw them out with the bath water. Now as a grandfather and as one of my grandchildren just turned 20, which makes me a survivor of teenagers X3 including me. may I ask LORD why not make stress free teens?
He then referred me to Adam and Eve and He said; "I did warn U...
By Sir Richard.