Friday, June 9, 2017


This is so important for me to talk about and yet hard. Though those who are weak of heart please just delete as this may upsetting. For as you write of a child’s birth into this world, that same child must be written the day she left this earth.
I know where Joyce is and that she is waiting for me. In a dream, just after she past she told me that she will be coming for me one day but I have reason to be here right now and it is not my time! My reason could be as simple as a smile but sadly it is not not slaying Dragons as I am more of a Don Quixote knight for my King of Kings JESUS CHRIST. Hence by His Command; a smile it is…

We were both in sort of DENILE OF THE BIG TIME, yet we both knew the end was coming. As the O2 to her brain was getting less and less and maybe she did see her Grandmother that one day before I brought her home from the Hospital FOR THE LAST TIME.
Great Grandmother Henwood likes you Richard; Joyce said and I felt good about this as I am finally loved within the family, eh?

As for the passing Joyce wanted it within her and my control only, as when her previous husband took his own and Joyce was in such shock. Other family members took over and she lost control etc. she was always irritated about this.

So, with her at times and I alone we visited funeral homes for pricing and compassion comparisons. We choose a place out of town. The day of the final paper work for this service to be done, Joyce was to come and check things out but that morning she had lots of issues that morning; such as knocking off her O2 mask off and spilling her pill tray, every which way and she told me to go to the funeral home as she would be fine but was tired and wanted to stay at home. The person that we had over from AHS to give her a shower at 11am came, as my left arm I could not lift her but I did change the bedding and got her breakfast and a coffee ready as I did every morning for last 22 years for Joyce.

After all I was only to be gone 1hr and 1/2 what could possibly go wrong? “Kiss Noise I Love You” to each other we said and kissed each other.
There done and I was rushing back, speeding back which I usually do not do!
That was a cloudy day, when the sun suddenly came out and fell on my legs in the car. I felt warm - comfy and calm when a voice within or without my head said: “It's OK Richard slow down as U need not speed now as everything is OK!”
When I got home the dogs were not right as Lily did not run to meet me at the back door but stayed on the couch looking well, different. I FELT ODD TOO and ran upstairs hobbled up. I found our other dog Lucy sitting beside Joyce. LUCY kept looking at me then back to Joyce.
Joyce sometimes as her idea of a joke, that she would play dead on me sometimes to see my frantic reaction. Though pretending to be upset, as after a decade it wore off and I never really got mad as I did go along with it to make her laugh.
This time though, as I tried to get her to stop this act, her reaction was all wrong?? Joyce had one eye open and one eye shut. Her blanket I had covered her because she was cold was sort of tossed but then she over heated lots and for Joyce this was nothing new.

I shook her and knew would stop the act just as she had in the past, NO this is not happening and she was cool to touch!
WAKE UP JOYCE.!!!! I CALLED 911; started to do compressions but she had said to the hospital folks to not to do this to her as she did not want her ribs broken? I did compressions anyway!
Not good on bed as I needed to get her on the floor but my Cancer left arm has no strength and I will hurt her if she comes off the bed and hit her head!!!!
The guy at 911 was driving me crazy with questions and I am crying or cry-howling really. Lucy dog leaves the room. I throw the phone across the room still compressing. She feels not right her O2 has been running and her tummy was distended.
Oh GOD, OH GOD, OH GOD!!!! The Doorbell rings; do I answer and go down stairs or not??? Compressions will then stop. Not good, not good. Fuck U people I thought as I put both dogs in my office area. Hobble down stairs and open the door, just then EMT, FIRE, POLICE ALL AT ONCE CAME IN she’s upstairs! Like a herd of Buffalo, we all moved back upstairs. They are with Joyce I break down even more as they had gotten her on the floor for better compressions.
My GOD THEY CUT HER BLOUSE OFF! Defibrillator is charging I cannot stand, I cannot watch THIS “CLEAR!”. OH GOD, OH GOD, if only I stayed home if only I did better compressions if only....
I retreated into the hallway bathroom and sit on the floor near the toilet as I thought I was going to be sick and I am still cry-howling!
Then the two Cops come into the bathroom WHY???
CLEAR 2nd Defibrillation. More Compressions, come on do it again I thought! JUST ONE MORE TIME LIKE ON TV, IT WILL WORK!! Clear 3rd Defibrillation then what seemed the Longest Sound of Silence. Mr. Abbenbroek? yessss I sobbed and sputtered out.
Part 8 by Richard Abbenbroek…
Photo by: Sir Richard

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