Tuesday, December 26, 2017


We were at times, had a hard life full of working.
Overtime with lots or not nothing much to show,
A life of dreaming, with nowhere to go.
The crows are now in the kitchen.
The wolves are at our door.
Joyce out of pain and is with me no more…
Yet I cannot tell my daughters.
Of all the things that I fear,
In a whole world of shit, I am still alive but scared.
Though I am not afraid of that bright Glory from up above.
As Dying’s just another way to leave momentarily, the Ones Whom You Love…

Life for some are a series of losses and multiple losses that I have from my past has only extended my journey through Grief. Past losses have included the deaths of loved ones and pets, job displacement, marriages 3 not including Joyce, child abduction and not to forget to mention friends and family moving, or just stepping out of my life as GOD said that I need them not any more, as they served their purpose in His plans for me. These tangible losses include many other things which make me feel like a Biblical JOB clone or a bad self-written Country Western Song. So, if you have dealt with losses, you may have feelings of regret or sadness that will affect how you Grieve your current loss, as the old losses contaminate, intensify and  for you complicate any new loss…

Once you understand that you will experience the effects of a lifetime of multiple losses, you will be better prepared for the depth and the different facets of Grief that may have been confusing at first. Understanding that at all time, your Grieving Process will help keep you moving forward and not backward. So, like the Boy Scout Motto “Be Prepared”, to Grieve all your losses on your life’s journey, just as I am learning this also the hard way.

For from inside myself, I can truly say that they create fear, depression, anger, loneliness, and despair, as these emotions come and go with dizzying unpredictability.
My life has become like a roller-coaster ride, one that at times it seems that I cannot seem to get off!
Then I'm told to do not give up and or leap off, as I still have purpose and meaning in my life.
Essentially this is what I am told and that I am to; “Stay the Course” on this ride, at the same time (please NOTE), one cannot hurry my Grieving Process. Each time one of these emotions comes flooding back, it is a sign, so they say is how I am recovering?

All my feelings, fears, despairing thoughts, and emotions rush back into my thought process, every second, minute, hour of every day. It's uncontrollable and yet my circle of people who care, shrink smaller and smaller. The reasons vary, from their illogic, spooked fears or just plain misunderstanding about me or at one of my many tormented tears.

Then on the other hand, I thank GOD for the people who do have the knowledge understanding without judgement as He helped me to forgive even the just plain, mean comments. GOD, who gives me strength and helps me keep things within and for those with judgmental misunderstanding again, I still forgive.

So, this year again I am not celebrating Christmas, no tree, no decorations, no wreaths, maybe only a few small gifts that I may give or thankfully receive. No Christmas dinner, again just me/my Evie Dog and my roommate JESUS CHRIST; for whom this day is really all about.
This Christmas I can honestly say that my Ghosts of Christmas Present, Future and Past; I shall have no Jacob Marley to visit me as I know thanks to Christ, that in my life’s business I do have Caring and Love for my fellow man and another thanks to JESUS, I am attached to no self-made sin chain!
With Love From,
Sir Richard, & Evie Dog.

No comments: