Saturday, January 17, 2015


I believe that GOD has given me a destiny. The fact that I know not what it is, does not matter. That GOD loves me enough to bless me with this destiny at all, does. I feel I am for some, too emotional, just too dam depressing for them, those who have never lost a Spouse, and yet they seem know it all?
Even after a mere 7 months since my wife’s passing. "Because I Care" well what more can I say?
I am lonely, sick and my Parents I believe are going to pass soon as well. Yeah, some of you know that lesson sadly too, eh? I truly morn with thee, with tears I do.
Not that you’re asking but all I ever wanted in my life was a Wife, Kids along with the Life.
I have the latter 2, even puppy dogs but GOD, I have been married happily for ever after 4 times and the passing of the last, the best, 1/2 my heart felt torn from out of my chest, Gone; WHY OR LORD? WHY...???
Cause once in your life you find someone, who will turn your whole world around as you pick each other both up when you’re feeling down and laugh together when just standing around.
Now Joyce, nothing can change what you meant to me!
There's a lot that I could say.
But I just wish that you could hold me now, because your love always lit the way!
Joyce, you're all that I ever wanted.
For one day I will know that when you're once again lying within my arms.
Though, I'll find it hard to believe, I know that you and I are both in heaven...
For there is a pain that comes with the loss of a friend, or loved one, as I Loved and still Love them all and think & I know from experience that it's going to "Hurt Me", for a Long, Long time.
It is this pain, which I feel like the ghost pain of what I think an amputee must feel.
For it keeps me awake, with no meds to pain dissipate, GOD must be busy though I pray & He helps in many ways. Still this ghostly pain will not go away…
Lack of sleep and no one worthy; awake this late that I can call.
For in my agony it makes me think up ways, of how I could painlessly end this pain.
If I get any sicker that would be a way but again either way, I would only anger many of you and my usually inventive mind still cannot or will not, figure a painless way out?
Though I am not our LORD JESUS CHRIST, His pain upon the cross for all of us makes mine feel like a few drops of rain, compared to His world changing torrent.
Yes, I do miss Joyce, I miss talking to Joyce, I miss touching Joyce and being touched.
Though just for a brief moment each morning. I feel Joyce sleeping beside me and waiting for me to awaken her with a cup of coffee. So, I savvier this delusion for the comfort it provides. Even if it is just to trick me awake, then I end up drinking that coffee for her.
GOD; who once again is anointing my aching body with a ghostly reflection of Joyce’s and my past.
My Epitaph = BECAUSE I CARED...

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