IF I COULD ONCE AGAIN BE LITTLEWhen I was little, I thought that I knew everything but the last thing you really want is to know then is too much. What you really want is, for the adults in your life to make the world a safe place where dreams can possibly come true and promises are usually never broken.
So when I was little, it didn't seem like a lot to ask?
Then I met Joyce and everything in my life seemed to finally be almost right on track. For it's easy to believe that things happen for a reason; it's easy to have Faith but when things start to go wrong then it's very hard to hold on to that Faith. So when Joyce passed, it became very hard to wonder for what reasons, these things actually happen for?
Again, when I was young and I when was afraid of something, all I wanted more than anything else was to make those fears go away. Now 59 years later all I want is my life back to the way it was before I found out that there was something to be really afraid of and that is!
Being alone, for I just want Joyce once again to be alive and if I could, I would then build a high wall around Joyce and I. We then could live our lives behind it almost forever but sadly, nothing ever stays the same. For now it’s not my old life at all which I live but a new reality or my new life with a wall around it and NO Joyce. My choice is not about going back to the way things were. My choice is not about hiding either but going right to the heart of the thing that scares me most, the unknown of being alone.
For with Joyce, I admit that I am totally grateful to GOD blessing me with 24/7 of 28 years with her together and we the together; the both of us, dealing with almost anything…
At times I used to tell folks that sometimes the best way to move into the unknown is to take small familiar steps. To do ordinary things and through this method, you can deal with something’s which are for the uninitiated, NO WAY ORDINARY!
For all of us throughout our lives, we are always going someplace new all the time. Familiar things just let us pretend that we are not moving into unfamiliar territory. While you take those small familiar steps to be honest, you try to act as if nothing has changed and you will feel comfortable, day by day with your lives as they used to be.
Like today for me is a time, when what I really need, is a piece of how things used to be.
For with Joyce; not only was she my most beautiful Bride and Loving Wife but the Best Friend that I ever had!
Whom to tell the truth; for Joyce I shall LOVE, forever and ever, because again she was one of GOD's special blessings to me…
I miss Joyce beyond words, so much so that my days plus nights without her, are so long, deafeningly silent, very cold and very, very without the woman I Love, Lonely...
So I wish, I really wish, to be back with Joyce.
Or could I just go back again, to that safe place where dreams could possibly come true and I could once again be little.
Love you always Joyce,