Sunday, December 9, 2018


We at times had a hard life full of working.
Overtime with lots or not nothing much to show,
A life of dreaming, with nowhere to go.
The crows are in the kitchen.
The wolves are at the door.
Joyce and our earthly paradise, is no more…
Yet I cannot tell my daughters,
Of all the things that I am scared of,
But I am not afraid of that bright Glory from up above.
As Dying’s just another way to leave momentarily, the Ones Whom You Love…

Life for some are a series of losses and multiple losses that I have from my past has only extended my journey through Grief. Past losses have included the deaths of loved ones and pets, job displacement, marriages 3 not including Joyce, child abduction and soon the loss of my home, not to forget to mention friends and family moving, or just stepping out of my life. All of these tangible losses include many other things which make me feel like a JOB clone or a bad self-written Country Western Song. So if you have dealt with losses, you may have feelings of regret or sadness that will affect how you Grieve your current loss, as the old losses actually contaminate, intensify, and complicate my new loss…

Once you understand that you are experiencing the effects of a lifetime of multiple losses, you will be better prepared for the depth and the different facets of Grief that may have been confusing at first. Understanding that at all time, your Grieving Process will help keep you moving forward and not backward. So like a Boy Scout “Be Prepared”, to Grieve all your losses on this journey, just as I am learning the hard way.
For from inside myself, I can truly say that they create fear, depression, anger, loneliness, and despair, as these emotions come and go with dizzying unpredictability. My life has become like a roller-coaster ride, one that I cannot seem to get off!

Then I'm told to do not give up and or leap off, as I do supposedly still have purpose and meaning in my life. So essentially, I am told that I am to; “Stay the Course” on this ride, at the same time (please NOTE), one cannot hurry my Grieving Process. Each time one of these emotions comes flooding back, it is a sign so they say that I am recovering? Though I feel I shall, “NEVER FRACKIN GET OVER THIS ONE!”

All my feelings, fears, despairing thoughts, and emotions rush back into my thought process, every second, minute, hour of every day. It's uncontrollable and yet my circle of people who care, shrink smaller and smaller. The reasons vary, from their illogic, spooked fears or just plain misunderstanding about me or at one of my tormented cries.
Then on the other hand, I thank GOD for the people who do have the knowledge understanding without judgement and He helps me to forgive the just plain mean comments. The People who really care about me and assist me while I travel on this ride of horror are now few. GOD, who gives me strength and helps me keep things within and also for those with judgemental misunderstanding again, I still forgive.

So this year again, I am not celebrating Christmas, no tree, no decorations, no wreaths, maybe only a few small gifts that I may give. No dinners, no visits, again just me/my puppies and my Roommate JESUS CHRIST; for whom this day is really all about.
For it is just too painful without Joyce.

This Christmas I can honestly say that my Ghosts of Christmas Present, Future and Past; I shall have no Jacob Marley to visit me as I know thanks to Christ, that in my life’s business I do have Caring and Love for my fellow man and also another thanks to JESUS, I am attached to no self-made chain!

Written and Photo by Richard Abbenbroek (Sir Richard), and Evie Dog.
The Lady Joyce, Our unborn Child, Tribble Dog, Lucy Dog & Lily Dog.

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