There are kind people
working hard to assist me and I thank GOD for each and every one of them, every
day.
Yet, I have no one to
talk to on a daily basis who can converse back with me.
Daily, I pray to GOD
but He’s far too keen on where and how and yet has never been very much about
the why?
Then my friend Edward
who also has Cancer dies, Lucy Dog dies, other friends do not know what to say
and they just drift away…
For the ones who do
know, they have nothing more to say and I feel helpless once again.
Another night of
restless nightmarish sleep, I wake up drenched in sweat, scared, paranoid,
again and again...
I just want to crawl
up into a ball, into/under a blanket, under a rock cause Joyce you’re still
missing.
Once upon a time I could help others but cannot help
myself now too, for Joyce I am still missing you...
The LTD
takes 1/3rd of my income away as I made a mistake, an error, cause there is too dam much on
my plate!
They
say I make too much money and poverty is where you shall stay!
Will I
lose my home, how do I take care of Lily Dog, how do I keep food on my plate?
Tears always seem to
be formed around the edges of my eyes.
The pain in my body
gets worse and worse with each passing day.
Praying to GOD to
take me home and make this all go away. People tell me that this will pass, or to
not worry but they are not living in my body anyway…
I am scared to go out
of these doors that open for free, from all the LOVE that once was in this
house.
An empty silent home
from what it used to be.
I am so bloody alone
and there is no purpose in my life, here for me…
Both by
Richard Abbenbroek...
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