Monday, March 21, 2016


There are kind people working hard to assist me and I thank GOD for each and every one of them, every day.
Yet, I have no one to talk to on a daily basis who can converse back with me.
Daily, I pray to GOD but He’s far too keen on where and how and yet has never been very much about the why?
Then my friend Edward who also has Cancer dies, Lucy Dog dies, other friends do not know what to say and they just drift away…
For the ones who do know, they have nothing more to say and I feel helpless once again.
Another night of restless nightmarish sleep, I wake up drenched in sweat, scared, paranoid, again and again...
I just want to crawl up into a ball, into/under a blanket, under a rock cause Joyce you’re still missing.
Once upon a time I could help others but cannot help myself now too, for Joyce I am still missing you...
The LTD takes 1/3rd of my income away as I made a mistake, an error, cause there is too dam much on my plate!
They say I make too much money and poverty is where you shall stay!
Will I lose my home, how do I take care of Lily Dog, how do I keep food on my plate?
Tears always seem to be formed around the edges of my eyes.
The pain in my body gets worse and worse with each passing day.
Praying to GOD to take me home and make this all go away. People tell me that this will pass, or to not worry but they are not living in my body anyway…
I am scared to go out of these doors that open for free, from all the LOVE that once was in this house.
An empty silent home from what it used to be.
I am so bloody alone and there is no purpose in my life, here for me…
Both by Richard Abbenbroek...

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