Preventing a Parental Re-Abduction

After I recovered my daughter, my ex-wife telephoned wanting to talk with Jessica. She had just been let out of jail on her own recognisance, and had a bond posted against her to appear in Court. She also had a "No Contact Order", with Jessica unless her visit was supervised by a social worker. I did not find out about this order until much later.

A month later Jessica talked to me about what her mother had said to her. I was unaware of the details of the conversation, as I did not supervise the telephone call to allow them privacy. It was a very silly move on my part. I would advise any parent to have all communication between the other parent and your child monitored.

Jessica: Dad I have good news and bad news for you.

Richard: Amused that a 4 year old would use this expression, I first asked her what's the good news? Thinking that it would be something trivial or childish, I did not think I would get the response I got.

Jessica: I made a new friend at my babysitter's house today.

Richard: That's good. What's the friend's name?

Jessica: I forgot, no, his name's Jamie.

Richard: Jamie, well that's good. So Jessica, what's the bad news?

Jessica: Remember when mom phoned me at Grandma's, and she said that she was going to steal me away from you.

Richard: Well Jessica, what do you think of that?

Jessica: I don't want to go, do I have to go?

Richard: No, never, don't worry!

I learned the hard way to make sure that my child was not re-abducted and to this day I advise parents after they have a recovery to do the following:

While there may be no way to know for sure that a specific parent will re-abduct his or her child, parents who have threatened to abduct again or abducted previously should be taken seriously. If it happened once it could happen again, is what you are always thinking.

In my case I did the following:

- Make sure that all caregivers have copies of all Custody Orders and that you have the original copies safe but easily accessible. If the non-custodial parent lives out of State/Province file a custody decree where the non-custodial parent lives

- Inform all caregivers/teachers/school administration of what is happening. Make sure that they all know who are the only people to take your child out of their care. Reinforce this with them as many times as needed. In my opinion it is better to sound over protective rather than be an “Oops, I forgot about that!” victim.

- When my child was abducted, I could not find a recent picture of her so now I took lots of pictures. It is great for the family album if nothing happens, but useful if needed! This is necessary as kids grow up and change so fast.

- Keep a complete written description of your child including the way they act, talk, and their likes and dislikes.

- Have your child fingerprinted with a recent picture and make copies of your child’s Social Insurance Number and Birth certificate etc. You have already been through one abduction and you do not want to be groping for this information the second time.

- Make sure that you child is supervised with his or her playmates at all times and also make sure that the parents of these friends know about what you are going through. Have your child escorted to and from school and after school care centers. My child was almost taken via a snatch and grab from a car. Only the quick thinking of her older sister (from a previous marriage) saved that day.

- Inform the Police immediately of any suspicious cars or people in your neighborhood. You will keep you child safe and at the same time inadvertently help out in any local Block Watch programs.

- Make sure that you be careful when you answer all telephone calls, doors bells and if need be today, all email for the younger children. Remember, that you do not have to open the door EVER to anyone while you are home.

- If you think that you are being watched keep your curtains closed. Change your comings and going times from time to time as well.

- Teach your child to use the telephone and how to call you, long distance collect. Have a code word that only you and your child know. This will stop any attempts to abduct by the “your Mom or Dad said you’re to come with me!” storyline. Your child will then ask for the code word and that will be the end of that. Teach your child to run to a safe place such as a nearby house. If your child is grabbed teach them to kick and scream to get people’s attention.

- Treat child support and visitation as separate issues. If you have to get supervised visitation for your child and the other parent and their relatives then do so! They abducted once, they could do it again and their family, will probably help out.

By Sir Richard...