DOCTOR OBVIOUS AND MY PERSONAL HELL
Everyone goes through hell at one point in their lives but usually not everyone stays there. Good people go through terrible things but they say that wise people know when and how to let it go. We all know that wisdom does not come easy; it often comes from a painful experience. Many of us are very unwise in how we handle our pain. Like an animal that struggles in a steel trap, we worsen our wounds the way we struggle, deny and fight against what simply, is. When we refuse to learn the wisdom of acceptance, we become our own tormentors.
Doctors can be very hurtful at times and though they mean well, they are human and say painful things. I was at my cardiologist the other day. Thanks to my amazing GP Doc, who got me in 1 week instead of usual wait time of 5 months? This cardiologist that day, does his thing and then (as he is thinner since my last visit), says to me; “well you are FAT!” Now my first human instinct is to tell him off and lash out with a Klingon Bat'leth and cut him crotch up into two; I turn the other cheek and successfully said; “I know”.
What I did not say is, I eat my prescribed diet for a Diabetic even though my body is rejecting the insulin that I take. Speaking of taking medications (see photo below) that you folks give me do cause weight gain. Another thought is that you might look into my age as you Sir are younger than I and because of my Diabetic Neuropathy of my feet and knees that are arthritic. Along with the reason that I am here, my out of breath and heart angina makes walking any distance almost impossible. Maybe this along with my Non Alcoholic Cirrhosis of my Liver that has ¼ of it gone and you all know this because, I sweet talked an ultrasound tech to check there because I have such pain. So off to the Liver Specialist I went, for having a TV camera that they shoved down my throat which confirmed that I do have this disease. In people with severe liver scarring (cirrhosis) like me, the normal flow of blood through the liver may become impaired. Blood from the intestines may then be re-routed around the liver through small vessels primarily in the stomach and esophagus. Some of these blood vessels may become quite large and swollen; they are known as varices. Due to high pressure (portal hypertension) and thinning of the walls of these varices, they may rupture causing bleeding and if you do not go to the hospital: Très vite vous saignerez à mort. Dead Man Not Walking!
The Heart Doctor, acted like I was wasting his time and reminded me as I thought about it, that during our last encounter because of his I am god like attitude that I was going to ask for a new Cardiologist. He did do one thing at the very end that was kindly, he said; that he was very sorry that my Cancer Round 2 is back. Grateful for some bedside manner, I thanked Doctor Obvious.
The lesson here is that when we refuse to let go, we suffer. Yet we cannot let go of something until it has taught us what we need to learn. Letting go is a process of recognition, confrontation, acceptance, and healing. Letting go simply means not suffering any more than absolutely necessary, but just enough to expand and strengthen ourselves. Some suffering is needed to deepen our compassion for others, to grow, and to learn. Letting go means you have learned enough, and now you now also have compassion for yourself.
Oh, I believe with all my heart that I shall go to heaven and see JESUS along with my late wife Joyce. For those who do not want to hear this, well to bad. Because, you either dwell in the pain and terror or you let go and have a reality check with something that you can look forward to. As I said above that going home is in the positive.
We spend so much time on life and only refer to death as some far away event well it’s not. JESUS CHRIST taught me that to fear death, is what keeps you alive. For once you face death then you need not fear as I said; everyone goes through hell at one point in their lives but usually not everyone stays there. Amen?
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