Friday, December 5, 2014


Grief from the death of a loved one, I can only describe as a Shock that is a sudden & yet violent disturbance to one’s mind & body. So I would use the same term to describe the effect of Grief as like the shock from an electric current passing through your body. Just like the time that I was electrocuted when I was a young electrician apprentice. Actually the worst of one of the many times that I was electrocuted and at this time I had a feeling of “Great Pain” run through my body, yet I was unable to move, or even capable to let go of this live wire!

So once again after the death of Joyce, my immediate feeling was that of shock and also an awareness that I was not as in control of my world, as I once thought. Now I only feel pain and numbness along with a realization that something was and is yet to be known missing from my life even more than Joyce?
As my usual paranoia had been replaced by a “Greater Paranoia” which now dwells within me, as to who could be taken from my life next?
So it happened, via my friend and cancer mentor Edward. Who passed away the other day due to his cancer and now his ear for me has with him, fallen silent.

I have recently also learned that when you attend a “Life Celebration”, as I did for my friend Jim's Sister Susan whom sadly herself was taken by cancer. At her “Life Celebration” I overheard people say about me; “Oh, he's holding up so well.” To them I wanted to say, I don't think so and people, believe me as I really, really know that this is NOT True!
What I do know, is that when one who is in Grief like myself, I do not know at times what's even going on, or what day or month it is. That's my current mental state; as I cried for 45 minutes in the parking lot after “Susan’s Life Celebration”. For as I said; I feel that being in Grief is a shock, which makes me feel powerless to cope and unable to think straight & at the same 24/7 I am so very, very, fragile.
Grief is a Shock, which everyone goes through differently and in that way we suffer not the same, only in the word that one’s in Grief…

LORD, I am walking Your way.
Let me in, for my body tires and my feet are sore.
My clothes are torn and ragged.
Look into my eyes LORD, as my sins will play out on them, as on a screen.
From You I hide nothing, read them all.
I repent everything; forgive as only You my LORD, can.
Then send me back on my path, as I will walk on.
Until You LORD GOD, in JESUS CHRIST’S name, do call me home and bid this man, to dwell with Thee forever and ever.

Posted by,
Sir Richard...

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